October 13, 2011

Heart pouring and Disconnect

Last week I had one of those days where I was just super sad, frustrated, etc. Im having a funky one today too. Sometimes I feel like every photographer is more creative, inspired, talented. Just more, more, more. (I kind of hate how I'm seeing right now so that doesn't help. Or how I'm NOT seeing is more accurate). And all the mothers are super smart, crazy successful, make money off of every thought in her head. This one is particularly bothersome to me. Even when you know you have made the right decisions, it is still difficult (for me) to watch others flourish. Ill admit it. I feel like everyone is living their dreams except for me. (I freaking hate that Oprah best life school of thought. I really do.) And then, of course, there is the "every mother understands her kids better, more loving blah blah blah....." thoughts that constantly roll through my head. Honestly, I'm not the mom I thought I would be. And it kind of bums me out. I thought I would be so much better at it. I get super frustrated with myself. That I should be more comfortable, have a lot more figured out at 34. I suppose the disconnect between who we are and who we want to be keeps us on our toes...moving forward. Evolving. Haven't photographed for a couple weeks which makes me grouchier. I always need a little something visually inspiring to keep my spirits up. And I'm sooooooo over photographing our life right now. Snooze! I'm really trying to seek the ultimate source of validation.

In the meantime, here are a few posts that I can reeeeeeally appreciate:
Being myself
Doing it all
Just because

5 comments:

  1. I feel ya! I really do. I am realizing, that there is a cycle. I go through great times, when everything works out, and then horrible times. Times where i am so down, i feel like i cant get out. I just keep reminding myself, that it is a pattern, and the bad wont last forever. Just keep reaching for the light.
    Ps, we are women, and we over think. Don't let that evil voice, tear you down! Seriously!!
    Hope you have a better day, tomorrow! <3
    -m

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  2. The irony--- I feel like I could never live up to your beautiful photos, quilts or witty words. I guess even when we feel like this, someone else is thinking we are pretty cool.

    I love your blog.

    Great talks.

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  3. Again, such a relief to know I'm not alone in this! You express your thoughts so well ... the first step in recovery is acknowledgement, right?! ;-) ;-) Loved your links too ... needed to hear every word of those as well. Thx for blessing my life today. :-)

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  4. I'm not a photographer, but I certainly have days and weeks and months like that! Thanks for always posting on your blog! I love it!

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  5. :) Found your blog today and I love it! Fabulous work!

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