February 27, 2012

Still can't deny the good

Woah. More coming my way. My body is flipping out. 4 migraines in 4 days. I feel fragile and scared. And am super worried about some unknowns. But there is always a glimmer. For real.

1. My OB visit today. He calms me down. And spends time...and delivers sound medical and emotional advice in a way that feels totally caring. I've got Another Dr. crush because he's the best.
2. I got out of jury duty. Can you imagine? It was sending me into full on panic. And they were a lot nicer than I expected about it.
3. Another week of (gluten free) dinners from the ward. Grateful, because I'm not normal. Yet.
4. A spontaneous lunch stop after that dr visit to feed my ravenous pregnant belly where a gluten free menu was front and center. Stop it. I didn't even have to ask or wonder or decide for myself. Yay!
5. And I felt so much better after my doctor appointment that Jeff chauffeured me over to Forever 21. Bought $15 skinny jeans in baby blue(the only color in my size, but surprisingly adorable). Love them! Total time in store = 5 minutes.
6. Jeff has been running the show and taking care of all of us. Utterly impressed, grateful, and in love.
7. The girls are going to bed without drama. I prayed hard for that gift.
8. And they are loving all the new friends they are making. They think VT are coming every day.
9. Jeff packing the house with some Costco goodies. Yum.
10. Jeff making sure the taxes get done. Yep, taking care of it all.
11. And our return is NIIIIICE.

Up tomorrow, an appointment with the doctor I want to punch in the face (NOT my OB). Wish me luck.

February 25, 2012

The good report

Woah. Life is a doozy. I'm not even sure what to say. I'm home. And alive. And lots and lots of people are helping us. Maybe I'll post more about all this later. But I doubt it.
My emotions are raw.
And some things are just private, you know.

1. I got myself some neon. Because I never wore enough in the 80s.
2. I do believe color plays an important role in my life. It affects me deeply.
3. I wore my red skinny jeans home from the hospital and it made me so very happy. I felt normal. But they were hanging way too loose. A sign of the previous week's events.
3. Nightly meals from ward members.
4. There are some seriously good cooks in our midst. Now, I will be stalking a few until they give up their recipes.
5. It seems repetitive to keep mentioning my VT, but really I could go on and on. I'm embarrassed to reveal all they have done. They've been there.
6. I've decided to go gluten free. I feel utterly unafraid about this lifestyle change.
7. And I'm overjoyed by family & ward member (those nightly meals are gluten free) support.
8. Grateful, grateful, grateful.
9. It's a horrible and beautiful time at our house. Make sense?

I don't know what my deal is, but Im desperate for the superficial right now. Like sewing projects and searching for pink skinny jeans. But it will all have to wait.

February 18, 2012

The story continues

I have no desire to share the details publicly (that seems too weird or TMI), but this my fifth day in the hospital following a really scary dehydrated day on Tuesday. This pregnancy is just too much. But I really think I'm in the best place to recover. Utah Valley knows what they are doing and the nurses in labor and delivery are fantastic. Seriously, I love them. I could do without this whole experience, but will never deny the flood of blessings and support to carry us through. There's the tender mercies too.

Here's a few......

Ridiculously long showers because you can. And no one will interrupt you.
Having every meal brought to you is the best.
Hearing the baby's heartbeat twice a day is the sweetest. She lives!
An amazing conversation with my OB.
An OB that takes the time to listen to me.
And will engage in conversation and concerns outside of pills and science.
An OB that looks out for me. (overheard him talking to a nurse one morning and he was not happy about a few minor things concerning my care, but man did that make me confident/happy).
Feeling comfortable enough to tell him how I really feel. About a lot.
Marathon of Diners, drive ins &. Dives.
A visit and flowers from Melanie.
Phone calls from many, but Alisha's was perfect timing. Love that girl.
Tons of help from from my sister and VTs.
VTs that are available round the clock and last minute to watch the girls. Oh my, even put the girls to bed one night.
Then there is always Emily. Yep. She gives and gives.
Jeff's time off from work.
Jeff waiting until I fall asleep before he headed home for the night. So comforting to me.
Jeff's sisters supporting him so he can support me.
Jeff's sense of humor. I really need him.

So grateful even amidst the scared, scared feelings that dominate.

P.S. Hoping to go home Sunday or Monday.

February 12, 2012

I could do without

I could do without.....

L's snotty mouth, tantrums, constant negotiations, and whining. Man, oh man, the whining.

The volume of L's voice. Seriously, by the end of the day the sound of her voice is like nails on a chalkboard for me.

Pregnancy ailments. I'd list them, but some are way too embarrassing.

Winter weather.

Motherhood guilt.

A messy house.

I can't do without....

Jeff's shoulder to cry on, sense of humor, patience with the girls. Dude deserves a medal right now.

Lots and lots of sleep.

February 11, 2012

The good report

1. Jeff has been doing the grocery shopping for me (us).
2. And putting the girls to bed A LOT.
3. So grateful the girls are accepting their dad as a bedtime option. That was a transition that really needed to happen.
4. And also happy he was there for the ultrasound.
5. The girls did way better than I expected with me on two of my doctor visits this week. Sooooo thrilled because I haven't got the strength for kid battles.
6. I'm forcing myself to admit there is a glimmer of hope. That this pregnancy will end.
7. Caught up with my sister.
8. Lots of birthday phone calls.
9. Happy Sumo never tasted so good. I want it.
10. Just signed up for their VIP list again. Bring it "2 for Tuesdays", baby.
11. I was genuinely moved by a conversation I had with the pediatrician about L. Really changed my perspective. And my Dr. crush has been cemented.
12. M continues to charm us. Seriously, she is delightful.
13. Jeff surprised us all with Valentine corsages. Oh my, you should see the tiny little wristlets the girls get to wear to church tomorrow. (Insert a really girly squeal) I cried when he brought them home. Had no idea.

How to survive the first (miserable) 16 weeks

Ok, this is how I personally survived.
(I'm convinced every woman has a unique experience.)

1. Accept help from your VTs.
2. Accept help from your sister.
3. Accept help from anyone who will offer.
4. Don't feel bad about it.
5. Be totally real with your VTs
6. Zofran.
7. 9 P.M. Bedtime.
8. Extremely minty gum.
9. Super salty snacks.
10. Cry buckets of tears. I know some avoid crying, but I find it sort of cleansing. Emotionally and physically.
11. Lower your expectations on life.

What got you through.....
Do tell.

We are family

Looks like it will be a massive girl party at our house because baby #3 is another girl. A boy would have been a nice little switch up, but no biggie. Healthy babies are what I have hoped for every time. And we won't have to buy much. Maybe a few fresh, clean, bright white onesies. And we've always agreed on several girl names. It's the boy ones that stumped us all along. So that will be a breeze.

When Jeff and I were dating I remember thinking he would be a great dad to girls. Then he told me later last night even as a little boy he always thought he would have daughters. Sweet.

So now, I've got sewing on the brain. I already started putting together a quilt using a city weekend charm pack. I love me some Oliver + S. It's for baby girl. (I would have added it to L and M's blanket collection if we were having a boy.) It's bright and cheerful. Just what I like.

I've also got house rearranging on the brain. Like where are we going to put everyone? This probably calls for bunk beds and some purging. Hopefully we can get to all that BEFORE baby arrives and when I'm feeling better.

February 06, 2012

Tomorrow is a big day

Tomorrow I turn 35. I had a list of "35 things" like I do every year, but I lost it with the blogger incident. not only is it my bday, it is also my 16 week mark with pregnancy #3. It's hard for me to be yippy-skippy about it when I feel awful. Nonstop nausea takes a toll (and there is the other stuff). I suffer. The whole family suffers. Luckily, I have felt better the past few days. Not great, but better. And better is better! I can get yippy-skippy about THAT. So I'm looking forward to celebrating tomorrow with good food, presents, red skinny jeans and putting on makeup, and snapping some pics. But dang, I should have gotten my hair done. It's a big week all around because we also find out what we are having on Friday. My guess is another girl, but you just never know. I've been wrong every time.

February 04, 2012

The report (good and bad).

I clicked on the new "simple uploader" button on blogger and now my blog is all kinds of crazy. It's killing me. Lost all my posts in progress. Some never intended to be public, but personal entries. And some good stuff to be published. Seriously annoyed with blogger. What a mess. And when I type a new post to edit or revisit old posts everything is gone. ????? Help.


1. I'm not even going to tell you how many times I've eaten at our Mexican place since discovering it.
2. I can't even think of all the good things from this week since I lost the list. But they happened.
3. Some pre birthday presents ordered so they would be here on time. Oooo, yes!
4. Forever 21 rocked my world with some red skinny jeans (birthday outfit). Still prowling for pink.
5. A return to normal hours for Jeff. Finally.