July 29, 2012

The good report

1. Em calls to check on me a lot. And gives me lots of pep talks.
2. Nephew brought us dinner, did the dishes sitting in the sink, and held E so the girls and I could nap a little longer. I can only hope our kids will be that thoughtful.
3. L actually fell asleep beside me. (Not so abnormal for M).
4. Super cool summer evenings. It gets me every time. Love!
5. Em brought peaches from in-law's orchard.
6. Dinner from VT and a neighbor and ward friend.
7. The baby sleeps and eats like a champ.

These two episodes Alex Boye (wow, what a story) and the Lower Lights) moved me to tears. Some comforting music. Just watch.

The truth is, this week has been one of the worst ever. The girls have been sick all week, coughing like crazy. Which you know goes so well with a sick and in recovery mother who can't do much. Great combo. And L is flipping out over every little thing. More so than her normal. She's a hysterical mess. And I'm joining the ranks of her club. I can't even think straight. I knew motherhood would be hard. I never had any delusions about that. But it's so much worse than I ever could have imagined. It's pretty much just shown me all my flaws and how terrible I am at it. Nice.

I spent Friday morning in the ER getting IV fluids for dehydration. The flashbacks to February were killing me. At least I didn't have to stay. And on top of that I have a massive head cold or flu. Not really sure which. My body alternates between chills and burning hot sweats. I feel so foggy and want to die. This is hell. I'm so low and need to be done.

Done, done, done.